Stephanie Says: April 2014

i've done a lot of thinking and am mostly over the big break-up.i wrote and asked him for some of my things back and i could give him some of his back and i thought we could have a rational,sober conversation about everything that happened.i wanted some questions answered and closure.the conversation was never going to be "maybe we should get back together!" i am long past that.i just hoped for some clarity and to know the person i dated was a human and that we could be civil. not suprisingly, the response i got was that of a cold, emotionless robot.his best friend had told me that if we ever broke up that's exactly how he would act.i think i just wanted to know that this person i believed in and stood by through some really awful,reprehensible behavior when i should have run for the door long ago was maybe just in some small way worth it.i wanted to hear that he's getting help for his alcoholism and maybe going to rehab, on meds for his bipolar disorder and maybe in therapy for his sexual identity crisis.because despite how abhorrently he treated me this was still a person that i cared very deeply for for a period of my life.i wanted to learn something from all this.i didn't want the lesson to be "trust no one".

but alas...when you are dealing with an incredibly selfish person in denial about what happened common sense and common courtesy do not necessarily abide.

today would have been an anniversary so i wrote myself a little list of all the awful things about him so that whenever i start to miss him a little or feel sad that the relationship ended i can just look at what a jerk i stood by for so long and be genuinely glad that i am no longer in the situation wasting my time.